Thursday, June 02, 2005

My Foray Into The World Of Female/Female Erotic Romance

In an effort to broaden my reading horizons, I purchased a purely female/female erotic romance book called, the Pirate Queen, by Susanna Valent.

In an earlier blog entry, I discussed my feelings about Male/Male romances, so I decided to perhaps examine my tolerance for purely girl/girl romances.

Here’s a quickie blurb on the book:

Girl Virgin is set to marry Boorish Canadian Trader who is much older than herself.
Girl Virgin fears that she will probably die in child birth, because that’s apparently what happens to Girl Virgins in 18th Century Canada.
Girl Virgin is at her wits end and doesn’t know what to do (wuss)
In a surprising turn of events, Girl Virgin is captured by Lesbian Pirate (whilst at sea obviously) who is the scourge of the high seas
Girl Virgin learns the beauty and art of Minge Eating with Lesbian Pirate, and eventually falls in love with her
In the mean time Boorish Canadian Trader is looking for Girl Virgin, and is eventually captured back to her absolute horror.

There is a little more that happens in the book, but really, just writing the above gave me writer’s cramp, so I refuse to elaborate anymore.

As to my opinion on the book. What I can I say, for me personally, it sucked big time.
After I got to about page 40 in the book, my eyes started to droop heavily (matches were used in an effort to keep one’s eyes open long enough to finish the book)

At first, I figured that perhaps, I was letting my discomfort with the subject colour my enjoyment of the book (snigger) so I duly endeavoured, and after about ten cups of coffee, a full packet of Ryvita Breaks, and two bars of Cadbury’s Dairy milk chocolate, I finally finished the frigging book. Sheesh!

This book was one HUGE snoozefest, in fact dare I say that if I’d been going for major surgery, I wouldn’t have needed any kind of anaesthetic to put me to sleep. This book would have done the job, all by it’s wonderful self.

What didn’t I like about the book? It was boring.
What did I think of the heroines. They were boring.
What did I think of the plot device? What plot device?
Any Outstanding moments? Yeah, when I got to the last page.

I could go on about how the Lesbian Pirate may as well have been a cad of a man, because of the way her character was written, but I wont. I could go on about how wussy Girl Virgin was, but I wont. I could go on about how the narrative was written in a way that made me think of middle aged men with droning monotone voices, talking about quantum physics, but I wont. All I’ll say is that the book was just not my cup of cha.

I don’t know what I expected, but boredom wasn’t high on my list of expectations.

Have you read any purely female/female romances, if so what was your impression? Did you enjoy them? Even if you didn’t enjoy the book, was it well written?