Sunday, August 06, 2006

My Best Friend's (Cheating) Significant Other, Part Two...

Last year, I blogged about a friend of mine who was going through a tough time with her significant other, who she suspected was having an affair with a woman at work.

I recall telling her at the time, that whatever choice she made, she’d have to live with it, but I guess it’s much easier to dole out advice, when it’s not happening to you.

As you can probably gather, she decided to stay with him. I thought she was mad as ten badgers, but like I said, it’s easier to give advice when you’re not involved.

Anyway, since that particular episode, ‘Tamara’ and ‘Aidan’ (names have been changed to protect the innocent) have had major problems with their relationship. Problems which generally end up with her coming round to our house for tea and sympathy.

The last time I saw her was a couple of weeks ago, when a mutual friend of ours was having a party to celebrate a new job, and a new life in Dubai.

At the time, I thought something wasn;t quite right with her, but I figured, she’d tell me in her own time.

Anyway, The Tall Guy and I were at B&Q's yesterday, when we ran into Tamara’s cousin Susan.

We exchanged the usual pleasantries, ‘you look fab, where did you get your hair done, and by the way how hot is your new boyfriend?’ You know, the usual stuff.

Anyway, Susan asks me how Tamara is coping. Of course, I have no idea what she’s talking about, so she tells me.

Apparently, Tamara moved out (with baby) when she discovered that Aidan, had been having an affair with not one, but two women. The Skanky Fucking Arsehole.

She’d discovered his infidelities, when she found a cell phone bill totalling £300 ($525) for the month, and most of the calls had been to two different numbers that she didn’t recognise.

She of course rang up, to find out who the numbers belonged to.

Apparently, the first woman she spoke to asked who the hell she thought she was, to which my friend must have said something like, I’m the mother of his child. Apparently, this ended in some kind of sobbing session. The woman didn’t know that he was already in a relationship.

The second woman answered the phone, and hung up, when Tamara asked who she was.

She then refused to answer Tamara’s follow-up calls. ( Methinks this one knew that Aidan was in a relationship already.)

Anyway, to cut a long story short, Tamara confronted the cheating rat bastard Aidan, and all hell broke loose. She ended up taking the baby, and going to her mother’s house.

That was the last time Susan had spoken to her.

I felt a little depressed that all this stuff had been happening to her, and she obviously felt that she couldn’t talk to me about any of it. I told Susan not to mention that she’d spoken to me, and when I got home, I called her, pretending I was after our friend’s e-mail address.

I asked her how she was doing, and suggested that we should get together for a girl’s night out or something.

She sounded a little morose, but insisted that she was fine. She didn’t mention the affairs at all. I decided not to push it, and we made arrangements for her to come over during the week.

I can’t help but feel a little wounded that she didn’t feel as if she could confide in me, but I actually understand it. She knows how I feel about Aidan, so I guess, she probably didn’t want to have to admit, that I was right all along.

I don’t do, 'I told you so’s', when it comes to my friends, and I figure that she should know this by now. I realise that making the decision to leave him was never going to be easy, and I did truly understand why she chose to stay.

Unless you’re involved, it’s hard to predict what you would actually do, under those same circumstances. If it happened to me, I’d like to think I’d set his pubes on fire leave his cheating arse, but to be fair, most women who it hasn’t happened to (as far as we are aware anyway) probably think the same. I know Tamara used to say the same, when it happened to other people she knew.

I want to confront her with what I know, but at the same time, I want it to be her decision as to whether she tells me or not.

To be honest, I don’t know what I’d say to her anyway, but I know that whatever decision she makes, it’s going to impact the baby, one way or another.

Wouldn’t it be lovely if this kind of betrayal didn’t happen? When you have children to think of, why would you want to jeopardise your relationship in such a manner?

My personal thoughts are that Aidan hasn’t loved Tamara in a very long time. She still loves him, but I think that every time, she discovers his lies, it kills off a little part of her that still believes that they can make it.

I don’t think they can last much longer. She may leave him for good this time, but knowing her as I do, I suspect that she’ll go back to him, once her OCD-inclined mother starts driving her up the wall. Discovering that he’s been cheating on her with two women, should, hypothetically speaking, make it easier to leave him, but once again, I don’t think it’s as cut and dried as that.

Oh well, only time will tell, I guess. Sigh…