Monday, June 27, 2005

Things That Often Confound Me In Romance Books

During our long and arduous car journeys this weekend, a scene that I read in a book, got me thinking about stuff that I sometimes find a little irritating in romance books… Here’s what I came up with:

Heroes who kiss the heroine on the mouth after just having gone down on her. What’s that about?
This is a totally personal predjudice, but I have to say, when this happens in a romance, it always takes me out of the book. There’s too high an ewwww factor for me. The Tall Guy knows that if he’s been down there with his mouth, he better not come back up to suck my face. I don’t really want to know what my ‘down there’ tastes like. Yech.

Morning Breath. How come the heroes and heroines are able to constantly indulge in morning mouth marathons without brushing their teeth? Surely they can smell each other’s sewage-type morning breath?
Now I love the Tall Guy to bits, but after twelve years of sleeping with him, I still can’t bring myself to kiss him before the benefit of both of us having brushed our teeth. I guess I’m a little anal that way.

Virgin heroines who somehow manage to enjoy their first foray into the world of sexual penetration, even when their heroes have a huge schlong. They are just so damn lucky.
I can still remember losing mine. (No it wasn’t to my hubby, does that make me a slut?) I still recall screaming bloody murder when I was penetrated for the first time, it wasn’t a particularlyy enjoyable experience, and I nearly fainted when I saw the blood on the sheets.
Needless to say, I tried to disguise my screams as endless enjoyment of the act. I think I fooled my partner, he had no clue the agony he’d just caused me. Dickhead.

The hero going down on the heroine in the morning, after filling her with his love juice the night before. Surely the coochie is a little smelly after this? I sure wouldn’t want anybody to go down on me if I had a smelly p*ussy. Maybe it’s just me…

So what are some of your “there’s no way I would do that” moments in romance stories? Also do you think writers forget to take these things into consideration when crafting scenes for their stories?