Just When You Thought There Was No Humour In Romance...
While curled up in bed this morning, I decided to read Ceremony of Seduction by Cassie Ryan.
It's from Kensington's Aphrodisia line. I think the last Aphrodisia book I read was Hell Kat by Vivi somebody-or-other. That book bored me so much I haven't looked at another Aphro book since.
Anyway, this isn't actually a review, because, quite frankly, I can't be arsed, but I did think there were some elements of this book that were too good to be left hidden under a bushel. *g*
Anyway, this is the blurb from the Amazon:
Twenty-three-year-old Alyssa Moss has lived her whole life in the shadow of her beautiful family. Voluptuous where they are lean, brunette where they are blonde, Alyssa is convinced she is an ugly duckling who will never become a swan.
The only thing that sustains her is a recurring dream in which a seductive stranger named Stone worships and pleasures every inch of her. But maddeningly, Stone always disappears just as Alyssa is on the edge of dizzying ecstasy - with a puzzling promise that one day he will find her. That day has come...For years, Stone has searched for the kidnapped first princess of his people - an otherworldly clan whose life-force is sexual energy. Alyssa is that princess, stolen by a rival faction and banished to live on Earth.
But now Stone has found her and will return her to her rightful home, one in which she will own the curvaceous body she was born with - and the passionate desire that throbs within it as she learns an endless variety of delicious pleasures and discovers the infinite power she feels when all her cravings are satisfied...
The reason I'm highlighting this book, is because unbelievably, it features a race of people called 'Cunts'. No seriously, it did.
The following excerpt is from a scene where Stone (our intrepid hero) is trying to explain how Alyssa came to be living on earth, instead of being with her real family:
She (Alyssa) narrowed her eyes at him. "You said my name was Alyssandra de Klatch. But that still doesn't make me a witch. And I was born Alyssa Moss".
"No, actually you were stolen from your true family by Cunts"
Oh how I laughed. Anyway let me share some more cuntastic excerpts with you:
"Are my adoptive parents..." She struggled with the word, "Cunts?"
He nodded and gestured to a family picture hanging on her wall "The civil war came partially because of physical differences. ....Cunts are fair of hair and skin, and usually have thin bodies. The remaining faction of Klatch are dark haired, olive skinned, and blessed with curves."...
"The Cunts thought themselves more attractive, superior, and better breeding stock, so they tried to overthrow the king....and failed"
So basically, the Cunts were thin evil blondes, and the Klatch were angelic dark-haired fat people, got that?
Anyway, I must admit to giggling like a two year old, every time the race of Cunts were referred to. And also, you know the best thing about the Cunts?
They had their very own queen:
"How did he find her?" Sela, The Queen of the Cunts and council head demanded".
I laughed my effing tits off.