People Ask The Funniest Questions...

I was reading Tod Goldberg's blog earlier, and I came across a post that he'd entitled, Letters To Parade: The Three Dumbest Questions of 2007. The questions were from Parade readers, who Tod likes to take the piss out of regularly. The questions were highly amusing, but Tod's responses were even funnier:

Parade Reader 1:

"Why are there so few black country singers?"

Tod's response:

Hmm. Let's see. Could it be that country music hasn't exactly been accepting of black culture? Could it be that country music fans -- and we're not talking about people who listen to Garth Brooks in the front seat of their Explorer en route to Denim & Diamonds -- haven't always been what you might call "inviting" of other races inside their honky-tonks? You see any Asian country singers? How about Latino?


Now, true, there is a close relationship between the blues and country music, which makes me think (and here I have no proof, I'm just spouting off the top of my head) there must have been something concerning segregation here. (And now I think: Someone out there recommend a book on this, because someone must have studied the correlation between the two, right?)


Maybe it just boils down to the sense that country western music is filled with a bunch of shit kicking rednecks and hillbillies who don't like black people. Ah, yes, that's what it is. Walter found a young black country singer to explain it and, well, she doesn't do a very good job, either:


"Because there have been so few black role models in the genre of music," says Rissi Palmer, 26, whose hit single is titled "Country Girl." "But after I appeared on Star Search, Naomi Judd, one of the judges, encouraged me to go for it." To follow up her single, Rissi is releasing her debut CD in October.


So, there aren't any black country singers because there aren't any black country singers. Perhaps the most vexing issue here: Who knew Star Search was still on?

No offence to country music lovers in general, but I found Tod's comments very amusing.

Parade Reader 2:

"On the day he was acquitted, 12 years ago this week, O.J. Simpson said he'd spend the rest of his life looking for his wife's killer. How's he doing?"

Tod's comments were hil-fucking-arious. You can read the full response at his blog, but I've narrowed it down to this excerpt:

What was cut from this response, but which I've acquired through a source at Parade, is the rest of Walter's response, and it shows his true feelings:


"Not well...no, not well. Exceptionally well! OJ has narrowed his likely suspects to that fucking whore Katie Couric, that lesbian trash Hillary Clinton, that cheating slut JFK. Jr. married and a cabal made up of Bill Clinton, Terry Schiavo's widow and John Stewart. Oh, and the Jews! Go get 'em, OJ! Juice! Juice! Juice!"

Dear Oprah, I had to wipe tears outta my eyes after reading that.

I think I've stolen enough of his stuff, so for the full post, bob over to his blog. I find him effing hilarious, but that's possibly due to him being an irreverent sonofabitch. *g*