Duh...

I just read an excerpt, where the heroine is in a witness protection programme, hiding away in a safe house, but for some inexplicable reason, she's told her mother and sisters where she is, so they've sent her birthday cards.

Can we say, Too Stupid To Fucking Live?

I don't think I'll be buying the book.

Everybody Has A Right... To Plastic Surgery?

I like Ken Levine, and I usually find him quite amusing, but I have noticed that he has a penchant for ragging on female Hollywood celebs much more so than the men. I guess it's an age thing, but I honestly find him terribly sexist.

His post about Nicole Kidman's movie choices, and her alleged plastic surgery annoyed me so much that I had to comment. Three times.

It also annoyed me that he had two photographs of Kidman, one from years ago, and a more recent one, obviously to point out the changes made to her face.

It seems to me that in Hollywood, you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't. Everybody knows that the work dries up for women over forty in La La Land, much more so than for their male counterparts, so you can hardly blame them for trying to keep up with the younger, fresher starlets, in a town where a woman is only as good as her last botox injection.

I can probably excuse Ken for his sexism, after all he's nearly a hundred years old from a different generation (57 is a different generation to mine dear), and he's a bit of a shock-jock, but when I read this comment from some dumbass, I just about burst a blood vessel:

"Nicole, you have ruined your looks. Instead of aging gracefully, you have made your face a canvas of lies. Screw you for sending this message to women turning forty everywhere."

You know what I say to that? Screw you bitch for perpetuating the belief that any attempts at self-improvement by women is a heinous crime.

In a world where youth is revered, and old age becomes an excuse to not employ somebody, there's no such thing as growing old gracefully, (unless you're lucky enough to be born with great genes). All there is is growing old, and either accepting that age comes to everybody, or fighting it tooth and nail.

She wasn't the only annoying commenter however:

"I don't want to see a movie starring a woman who has absolutely nothing in common with me."

Sheesh. I of course had to respond to the genius who wrote that, even if it was three weeks later.

I'm not a huge fan of plastic surgery, but I think it's wrong to constantly slag off the women in Hollywood who do have them, when so many Hollywood men are also going under the knife, with very little being said. And no, Michael Jackson doesn't count.

Totally off-topic, but why is it that men can't go shopping without having to pee a hundred times, and making you (read: me) wait for 15 minutes each time they have to relieve themselves? Sheesh.

How Come The Kimani Books Aren't Included?

Blackromancereader brings up a good point: how come Harlequin aren't offering any freebie Kimani Press books, along with The Billionaire Sheik's Virgin's Secret Baby?


Surely this would be the perfect way to promote AA penned romance to the traditional white romance reader?

Maybe nobody at Harlequin even gave it a thought. Now that wouldn't surprise me in the least.

Mind you, you would have thought that some of the KP authors might have stood up and made the same point.

The more things change, the more they stay the same I guess.

Aint Nothing As Queer As Folk...

I followed the link that Anon supplied in a comment below, and I found this fascinating blog post. Here's a snippet:

"Amid rumors of financial mishandling, Peacock Cove e-book publisher, Rebecca Gatto, plans to exchange vows with Charles “Chip” Davis in February 2008. Davis is also known as inmate # 5447632 at Fern Valley State Penitentiary."

I can't imagine that any publisher would flaunt herself in her undies, like the photo suggests, but how funny if it were true? Spoof or not, it sure is amusing, heheh.

E-Book Printing By Favouritism...

I was just over at Erecsite, on the Whiskey Creek Press post, (they do so have interesting stuff over there) when this comment by Pepper Espinoza caught my eye:

"Liquid Silver has a sales requirement *and* a length requirement. They also flat out said that authors with a "good relationship" with the publisher will have priority for print, all else being equal. They claim that everything that meets those requirements will be moving into print at some point, but I have no idea when that'll happen."

I was a little gob-smacked. Does this mean that if an author doesn't make nice with the publisher, that their books take much longer to go to print?

I always wondered if this was the case with Elloras Cave. There always used to be certain authors who's books were slated for print really quickly, whilst other author's books were left and left. (Actually, now that I think back, certain authors used to have a book out every two minutes, whilst others had to wait, and wait, and wait.)

I like Liquid Silver, but if what Pepper says is true, then what a crappy way to conduct business. They're basically saying, if the author behaves well, then they get priority over the problem authors. Hmmm... not impressed by that at all. I kinda understand it, but it just seems..... wrong, somehow.

I wonder how many e-pubs make their printing decisions this way?

Who Says All E-Publishers Are Batshit Crazy, Money-Grabbing, Scumbags?

I just read this on Erecsite:

"Dear WCP Authors…
Hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas, and we wish you a great New
Year's too. We've been working very hard at WCP, and we are making
some changes which we believe will help all of us find a bigger
audience for all our great WCP titles.

First, beginning with all new contracts signed on January 1, 2008
forward, the set-up fee charged by Pawprints to WCP authors for the
print option will be paid by Whiskey Creek Press (the book must be
35,000 words or more to be print eligible). WCP will put the book into
print and pay the set-up fee to Pawprints when one of two things happens:

1) The author pre-orders and pays for 30 copies or more, at the author
discount price (this is optional).
2) The book sells 50 copies or more in ebook format."

OK, I get that WCP’s authors no longer have to pay for their own printing, but why do they have to buy 30 copies of their own books first?

I’m guessing that selling fifty e-books wont be a problem to most authors at WCP (or is it?) therefore, they wont have to worry about item number one. Maybe.

Anyhoo, it’s good to see an e-book publisher who listens and responds in a positive fashion, because let’s face it, that shit’s rarer than a lucid Britney Spears.

You can read the full statement over at Em’s Erecsite blog.

Hey, does this mean that they bowed down to pressure from The People? *g*

Get A Free E-Book Everyday From Harlequin!

For those who don't know already know, Eharlequin are giving away a free e-book everyday until January 1st. I've already downloaded the Blaze book from yesterday, and the Silhouette Special Edition book from today.

I started the Blaze already, because it's written by Debbi Rawlins, who I've always liked, and I have to say, so far so good.

The male protag is very unusual, in that he doesn't jump off the pages like most heroes do, and the heroine initially isn't into him, (most unusual for a romance), so kinda blanks him for a while.

Anyway, going back to my reading.

Benazir Bhutto Murdered... They Finally Got Her...

I just read that the Pakistani opposition leader, Benazir Bhutto, has been assassinated. I knew it would only be a matter of time, but I was still shocked by the news.

When she returned, having been exiled for a good number of years, I thought she was extremely brave, if a little foolish.

Apparently she was shot in the head, then a suicide bomber blew himself up, taking a few other people with him.

Fucking animals.

I Hope Karin Slaughter's Next Grant County Book Flops...

...like Mel Gibson's film career after that incident... especially after reading this comment from a fan on the Beyond Reach thread at Dear Author (Yes it's still going strong):

"She must have gotten many other notes in regards to the ending of Beyond Reach. She responded with a generic note addressed to everyone saying that she did what she thought was right for the series and that she hopes we'll stick with her through the next GC book.


She mentiones that she has plans for the Sara/Lena storyline and that if we decide to give up on her she will miss us as readers and hopes we will find many other authors that we will enjoy reading."

Could she be anymore condescending, and uncaring about her fans? That was just such a big f*ck-you, it's not even funny.

Out of the 168 (and counting) comments, that are there, only a handful, of those (if that) have commended her on her willingness to think outside the box, and take a risk for the good of the book. If we follow the rules of random sampling, that surely means the majority of her readers think that she fucked up royally. Hopefully, that translates into crappy books sales on her next GC book. Mean much? Probably.

Well, I'm sure she'll be pleased that she got what she wanted; lots of people talking about her book months after she wrote it. After all, there's no such thing as bad publicity, right?

Merry Christmas To One And All...

Here at Karen Scott Central, we hope you all have a lovely Christmas, and a happy New Year!

Oh btw, don't forget to recycle like crazy this Christmas!!

Sometimes A Little Goes A Long Way...

Today was the second day of a marathon shopping spree. I hate Christmas shopping. You spend shitloads of money on other people's kids, and get crappy presents back from their parents. Oh I miss my early twenties when none of my friends had children, and I only had to worry about buying them one present each. Just call me Ebenezer Scrooge. *g*

Anyway, I'm digressing, as usual...

Today was a particularly cold day in my town, and I do so hate the cold, so I bobbed into a Greggs to get a cheese and onion pastie, and a bottle of water. I left the shop, and proceeded to walk pass a homeless guy begging for money on the pavement (sidewalk to you Americans). As I usually do when I see homeless people, I totally ignored him and carried on walking.

In my head I was bitching about how crappy the English weather is, when something made me stop walking.

I suddenlly realised how totally ungrateful I was, because, yes, I was cold, but I had a nice warm home to go to. A lot of people weren't so lucky.

Anyway, I walked back to the homeless man and offered him my cheese and onion pastie, which he gratefully took from me.

It was such a small thing, but it seemed to mean an awful lot to him, and at that moment, I had a kind of epiphany (for want of a better word).

I have a really good life. I have a wonderful family who I love, and who love me, and I know that if I was ever in trouble, they'd always be there for me. I'm one of the lucky ones, so I should really take the time to appreciate that.

I don't really do New Year resolutions, because I think they're mostly pointless, but this year, my resolution will be to really appreciate what I have, and to open my eyes a bit more, and actually see those people who are less fortunate than myself, rather than being overly preoccupied with my own quite selfish thoughts.

And maybe once in a while, I can do something that takes very little effort from me, but means the world to them.

Merry Christmas everybody, and I hope that you and your families all have a prosperous New Year.

I'll be back when the Christmas hoopla stops kicking my arse.

Conflict? What Effing Conflict?

I'm currently reading a book where the hero tells that the heroine that he loves her by page 40, and there are still 150 pages to go. Where's the fun in that?

Erm.. incidentally, the couple seem to be having mammoth sex sessions every two pages, so I guess I'm supposed to forget about the plot, and just get my rocks off.

Nice.

Overheard Earlier Today In A Pub Somewhere In England...

BF1: Soooo...how often do you go down on TTG then?
K: Silence
BF2: Well?
K: Looks around to see who they're talking to.
K: You talking to me?
BF1: Yep.
K: Why?
BF1: Just wondered...
K: You can keep wondering, I'm not telling.
BF2: Well, do you swallow when you go down?
K: Are you on drugs?
BF1: Oh come on, tell us whether you swallow or not.
K: Nope.
BF2: Why not?
K: Because it smells like bleach, and I'm not too fond of bleach.
BF1: Bleach?
K: Yep
BF1: No it doesn't.
K: How do you know? When was the last time you went down on my husband?
BF1 Well, ----'s doesn't smell of bleach.
K: Babe, too much information already.
BF2: Neither does ----'s.
K: Sticks fingers in ears
BF1: Silence
BF2: Silence
BF1: So... does that mean you're a spitter then?
K: Stupified silence
K: Waiter, can we have another bottle of wine please!!?

No Should Mean No, But What If It Was Actually A Yes?

This weekend, TTG and I attended a party, where an allegation of rape was made by one of the women at the party.

Now TTG and I were familiar with the woman, and I have to say, I've never thought much of her, (mostly because she had a habit of sleeping with anything that moved) but when I heard that she'd been raped (allegedly) by one of her colleagues, I immediately felt devastated for her, and wanted to know who the rat bastard was.

For some reason, it hadn't occurred to me that she could be lying.

Anyway, the colleague in question was arrested in the early hours of this morning, and taken away in a police van.

The woman has since dropped the charges, claiming that the sex had actually been consensual, and that he'd just been a little rough with her in bed, and that she was too drunk to know what she was doing.

We've since found out who the alleged rapist was, and it was the same guy that she'd been following around all evening. He'd come up to myself and TTG earlier to tell us he was going home early, but the woman had waylaid him, and invited him up to her room, so being a man, he of course took her up on her offer.

He was still asleep in her room, when the police came to drag him away.

I have no idea what went on in that room. I have no idea whether or not he actually raped her, but if he didn't, as she later claimed, then I'm pretty disgusted at her for accusing him in the first place, because no matter what, the taint of being accused of rape will stay with him, and remain on police record, for the rest of his life. And she would have done that to him.

What makes me crazier, is the thought that the next time there is a genuine rape case, that the victim might not be believed because of stupid bitches like this woman, who cried wolf.

I Heard This Earlier...

And it just moved me for some reason. I wasn't even a Queen fan particularly, but this song is actually quite lovely, and quite sad I think.



I'm feeling slightly hung over from the Christmas party last night, therefore, you wont be getting any scintillating posts from me for the rest of the weekend.

Unless of course Teresa Jacobs sets up another e-book publishing company. *g*

Hey Look, Blogger Got Smart...

I think my rather caustic e-mail to Blogger HQ must have worked, seeing as they've decided to allow other non-blogger users to sign in. *g*

commenting is now available for all Blogger blogs. This means that your friends and readers can leave authenticated comments on your blog using their blog URLs from OpenID-enabled services such as WordPress.com, LiveJournal, and AOL Journals, or with their AOL/AIM accounts.

We've chosen a few popular OpenID providers to highlight on the comments form, but OpenID is, well, "open"! You can use any OpenID service to post a comment by choosing "Any OpenID" and filling in your OpenID URL.

Does this mean that you don't have to have a Googlemail account to subscribe to comments I wonder?

Anyhoo, the wisest decision they've made for a while, as a lot of Blogger users were about to revolt.

Hey Look, A Book From Elloras Cave That Didn't Suck Great Big Hairy Donkey Balls...

I read One Of The Guys by Shiloh Walker last night, and I have to say, I totally loved it. (Thanks Shi) Great story (friends to lovers does it for me every time), fabulous hero, great heroine, and an ex-who gets his just deserts at the end. If I could be arsed, I'd have written a glowing review about One Of The Guys, but as Dee Tenorio and Bam can attest to, I'm lazy as a mother f*cker when it comes to reviewing. *g*

Here's the blurb:

Jaynie knew that her fiancée had some serious ménage fantasies going on, but she never expected to catch him acting them out. As if that pain isn't enough, he tells her she couldn't be a real woman if she tried.


Reeling from the double blow, confidence shattered, Jaynie turns to Brian, her sexy partner at work. One night, she tells him. She wants one night with him, no strings attached.


But Brian feels plenty of strings and it's as if all of them are pulling him toward Jaynie. She's sexy, she's funny and she haunts his dreams. Memories of that one night keep him awake and he's dying for another taste of her.


But Jaynie doesn't seem at all interested. What's a man to do?

Sounds yummy, yes? Anyway, go and buy, it's a short sweet read, and I promise you wont be sorry! (And if you are, go complain to somebody else about it. *g*)

Mrs Giggles At Her Best...

Seriously people, go check out her Special Blog Guest: Mrs Kristi Theresa, CEO of Trixy Lion Publishing post.


I especially love the beginning bit:

"Dear friendsa nd familie of Trixy Lion Publishing,


I am pleasing to let everyone knowed that Trixue Lion Publishinng is still the undisputedly #1 publishers in womanizing erotic fiction. I am hoping (and worrying!) that Mrs Theresa Wayne's new besuiness La Media will be welcoming by us to this challenging world of epublishing business becos as a woman I am always happy to see another woman enterpriser step up to the task of showing the worl dwhat women can do and improving the futuristic of quality fictions.

However, I am dismayed at how poor Mrs Theresa's new business is forced to be shut down wjhen it has barely opening its doorways to surely authoprs who will flog to its doorwayts with their premiering qiuality work! As usually, this is the workings of the jealouseuy minds of those horrible unchristian women like Karen Scotland and Ash Achoonox (the last name alone is surely indicating of a satanic mind!), tools of the evil Samhane Publishing people who are like Microssoft trying to get a sinistering gripping on the world of epublishers! I ask you, my freinds, what kind of world are we lives in when everyone is full of bursting hot devil jellousy?"


I nearly fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard.

Would You Trust Your Book, Or Your Royalty Payments With That Woman?

Remember how earlier this year, Teresa Jacobs, CEO of the now defunct Mardi Gras Publishing, lost her damn mind? No? Well she's the madam who wrote that she'd closed down MGP, "due to a lack of finances, hormonal females, and bitching".

Well, apparently she's started up a new publishing company called LA Media. I was wondering who the hell would be foolish enough to trust her with their books, but upon closer inspection, I noticed that one of the authors was a lady called Jaden Sinclair (the other author was Teresa, herself under the guise of Teresa Wayne, and some bird called Savannah Black). Now for some reason, that name seems very familiar to me, can anybody shed a light on who she is? Didn't she engage in a full-on rant trying to defend Jacobs and MGP?

Anyway, I found her Teresa Wayne blog, and I must admit, I was tickled pink when I read the blog post entitled Vengeance is Karma. She writes:

Hello my dear readers!


I have been gone for quite some time and now I am back to continue my writing career with a blaze of glory.
My previous venture with Mardi Gras Publishing was a huge lesson learned, and one I care not to repeat or discuss.
Many ebook related folks have found it necessary to drag the failer of MGP and its owner (me) in the dirt in a very unforgiving, one-sided fashion. Constantly including my writing name (Teresa Wayne) into their one-sided acqusations. My writing had nothing to do with MGP...Hummm....


Personally, I feel I owe no explanations, outside of what was given to my authors during the closing of MGP. I have not in the past, nor do I intend in the future, to seek any sort of vengeance. No need to. My vengeance is karma.

Apparently LA Media also provide proof-reading, and various other editorial services. Nuff said. *g*

In other news remember The Dishing Diva, AKA author, Rene Lyons? Well apparently she's also decided to start a a new publishing company too. It must be something in the air.

I must say though, I was most gratified to see the following stipulations on the site:

DSP will NOT consider:


Pedophilia: Such a book will not be considered in any form.
Rape: Rape for titillation is not acceptable.
Necrophilia: Sex with the dead will not be considered for publication.
Bestiality: Sex with animals is not accepted. This does not include shape shifters in human form.
Incest: Self explanatory.

Now if she'd banned daddy/daughter play, I would have been in seventh heaven, but alas, I'll have to make do with her banning rape play and incest. *g*

It seems scarily easy to start your own e-pub these days. If I was an aspiring author, there's no way I'd give them my work until they'd been published for at least three years.

I'm wondering how long they'll both stay in business?

And before anybody mentions it, yes, I did indeed notice who the first commenter on the Dishing Diva post was. Ahhh, the good old days of rampant sucking up eh? *g*

Do We Think It's All His?

Courtesy of David Beckham Zone

Methinks he'd look pretty good in my Christmas stocking this year. *g*

Blogger Sucks Ass...

Hence why I'm moving to Wordpress.

I can't believe that they are no longer allowing non-blogger users to sign in with their own urls.

Why the fuck would Google do that? Does anybody have the e-mail address for Blogger so that I can write and complain? I've looked all over for it, but they only seem to have trouble shooting help pages.

Anyway, that's it, I'm gonna start working on my Wordpress site now. I don't want anything more to do with Blogger, they suck great big hairy ones.

Bastards.

By the way, I've been Christmas shopping with TTG today. It did not go well. Next time, I'm going alone.

Ahhhh...Poetry Indeed...

I Stole this from Just Ginny's blog, and I totally love it. It is both humorous, and poignant.

Whiskey Creek Press Love Their Authors Like Victoria Beckham Loves Complex Carbohydrates...

I got this bit of news from Erecsite who in turn got it from Piers Anthony.

Piers Writes:

"December 2007 update: A serious complaint, devious in detail. It seems that WCP uses its printer, Paw Prints, to produce the POD format of its books. But Paw Prints charges the author a $90 set up fee. (I have it listed at $99, but they may charge WCP less.) Well, one author decided not to go POD, then discovered that the book had been printed anyway and was being sold on Amazon via Paw Prints as a “Storefront” outlet.

It seems that lessens the high price Amazon charges otherwise. Nothing appeared on the royalty statement, and there is no indication in the contract. It seems the division of the money is in this order: Amazon, Paw Prints, WCP, and finally the author, who apparently receives no accounting. Okay, this situation obviously deserves clarification, but a call to the owner of WCP was met with immediate hostility and abuse. The essence was that it was none of the author's business what they did with the books(!) and was not a contract violation.

To a request that the author's books be immediately removed from the storefront, the answer was No. So here is my summary of the author's summary: WCP is not at all Author Friendly; questioning them makes you a Problem Author.

They refuse to correct errors made by their editors, refuse to run reviews on the backs of the books (only one self-written blurb), and may not even send out books for reviews. No actual accounting on their royalty statement how many books are sold, and they refuse to answer questions about this."

Now, don't they sound like great people to write for?

Well, I know what I'd do if I wrote for them. I'd take my effing books and run like the wind, because that kind of practice doesn't bode well for the future.

Publishers (especially e-publishers) really shouldn't treat their authors that way, because sooner or later, they will get bitten in the arse, and then readers like me will take great pleasure in mocking them, which in turn will lead to the publisher showing their knickers in Blogland, and having a massive rant about their drama-filled personal lives. We'd then probably be subjected to another ranty lecture on how they've had it up to here with ungrateful authors, how hard they've been working to keep all their publishing balls in the air, and how unfair their critics are, when they can't possibly understand what it takes to run a business.

Just sayin.

Just When You Thought There Was No Humour In Romance...

While curled up in bed this morning, I decided to read Ceremony of Seduction by Cassie Ryan.

It's from Kensington's Aphrodisia line. I think the last Aphrodisia book I read was Hell Kat by Vivi somebody-or-other. That book bored me so much I haven't looked at another Aphro book since.

Anyway, this isn't actually a review, because, quite frankly, I can't be arsed, but I did think there were some elements of this book that were too good to be left hidden under a bushel. *g*

Anyway, this is the blurb from the Amazon:

Twenty-three-year-old Alyssa Moss has lived her whole life in the shadow of her beautiful family. Voluptuous where they are lean, brunette where they are blonde, Alyssa is convinced she is an ugly duckling who will never become a swan.


The only thing that sustains her is a recurring dream in which a seductive stranger named Stone worships and pleasures every inch of her. But maddeningly, Stone always disappears just as Alyssa is on the edge of dizzying ecstasy - with a puzzling promise that one day he will find her. That day has come...For years, Stone has searched for the kidnapped first princess of his people - an otherworldly clan whose life-force is sexual energy. Alyssa is that princess, stolen by a rival faction and banished to live on Earth.


But now Stone has found her and will return her to her rightful home, one in which she will own the curvaceous body she was born with - and the passionate desire that throbs within it as she learns an endless variety of delicious pleasures and discovers the infinite power she feels when all her cravings are satisfied...

The reason I'm highlighting this book, is because unbelievably, it features a race of people called 'Cunts'. No seriously, it did.

The following excerpt is from a scene where Stone (our intrepid hero) is trying to explain how Alyssa came to be living on earth, instead of being with her real family:

She (Alyssa) narrowed her eyes at him. "You said my name was Alyssandra de Klatch. But that still doesn't make me a witch. And I was born Alyssa Moss".

"No, actually you were stolen from your true family by Cunts"

Oh how I laughed. Anyway let me share some more cuntastic excerpts with you:

"Are my adoptive parents..." She struggled with the word, "Cunts?"
He nodded and gestured to a family picture hanging on her wall "The civil war came partially because of physical differences. ....Cunts are fair of hair and skin, and usually have thin bodies. The remaining faction of Klatch are dark haired, olive skinned, and blessed with curves."...

"The Cunts thought themselves more attractive, superior, and better breeding stock, so they tried to overthrow the king....and failed"

So basically, the Cunts were thin evil blondes, and the Klatch were angelic dark-haired fat people, got that?

Anyway, I must admit to giggling like a two year old, every time the race of Cunts were referred to. And also, you know the best thing about the Cunts?

They had their very own queen:

"How did he find her?" Sela, The Queen of the Cunts and council head demanded".

I laughed my effing tits off.

Blogging? What's That?

I'm ill, I'm busy, and I'm lazy. Not necessarily in that order.

I'm off to take some more meds and to watch my DVD collection of One Tree Hill, in bed. I do so love Nathan and Hayley's story. Shut up, I'm so not too old to watch that!

What's Twelve Inches Between Friends?

This post was inspired by something Angie wrote in one of her Editing Tip Of The Day posts:

"Oh, and along the same line, she wouldn’t be able to give the exact length of his naughty parts either. Just saying".

God, yes.

It really does take me out of the story when I know exactly how big the hero's dick is supposed to be. It also makes me wonder when authors give their heroes ten-inch dicks, (and I'm talking on the soft here) whether or not they actually know what a ten-inch fatty would look (and probably feel) like. And don't talk to me about those same ten-inchers also going up virgin bum holes. I'm squeezing my arse in sympathy at the very thought. *Shudder*

Can I just say, when you google the male penis, there are some fascinating bits of information out there. This site gave the average penis size, based on ethnicity (from a study that they'd done themselves presumably):

Average approximate penis size based on ethnicity (age 16 and over):

African/black: 6.74"
Native American: 6.49"
Middle Eastern: 6.28"
European/white: 6.26"
Hispanic: 6.03"
Asian/Pacific Islander: 5.50"

I wonder who got the job of doing the measuring?

This was also another fascinating bit of information:

"How would you describe the color of the hair on your head? (If it has grayed or fallen out, answer based on the hair you had when you were younger.)


Black: 18.3% (average penis length: 5.92")
Dark brown: 47.7% (average penis length: 6.15")
Light brown/dirty blond: 25.1% (average penis length: 6.20")
Blond: 6.3% (average penis length: 6.24")
Red: 2.6% (average penis length: 6.09")


Guys with blond hair, on average, have the largest penises. As hair color darkens, average penis size goes down; those with black hair have the smallest average penises. Guys with red hair (whom some believe have the largest penises) are actually below average in size, coming in second to last in this breakdown. Understand, though, that this is only an average correlation; many blond-haired guys reported having small penises, and many dark-haired guys reported having large ones."

Doesn't this contradict the ethnicity stats slightly? How many blonde haired black/native American dudes do you see roaming the streets these days?

I also looked on Askmen.com, and found that their stats varied a little from those above, but never mind that, read this:

"THE LONG AND THE SHORT: According to the Kinsey Institute, the biggest erect penis on record measures 13 inches. The smallest tops off at 1 and 3/4 inches".

1 and 3/4 inches? Shit, I wonder who drew the short straw there then? I bet he never goes into many communal bathrooms. Poor thing (over 18s only folks).

Anyway, what was my original point again?

Oh that's it, the heroine knowing exactly how long her hero's cock is, is daft. Unless she's actually taken a ruler to it of course, but I would have thought that would be a bit of a passion killer. Especially if the man was lacking in both length and girth.

Just sayin.

I Took A Life Today...

I killed a grey squirrel.... Or at least I think I did. I couldn't bring myself to look behind after I saw it run under my car. It'll be the second this year. Boo hoo hoo.

I can't even watch a spider being killed without wanting to cry, and if I happen to see roadkill, I have been known to sob uncontrollably whilst driving. TTG knows to warn me these days.

I killed a cat over ten years ago, and I still remember the agony of that. It took me ages to get over it.

You'd be forgiven for thinking I'm an animal lover. I'm not. I just hate to see anything die. Except flies. I wish death to all flies. I hate those dirty little bastards.

A part of me hopes that the little guy is still alive, and not chasing for nuts in Squirrel Heaven. Not much chance of that though, seeing as he ran straight for my wheels.

Little Britain's Bubbles Devere...

I'm not sure you guys get Little Britain over in the US, but we sure love this comedy programme over here in England. My favourite character is definitely Bubbles Devere, the quite obscene, pseudo-upper class woman who resides at a health spa, that she can't actually afford to pay for. It's very amusing watching her think of ways to avoid paying her bill. Not for the squeamish methinks.

UPDATE: How on earth could I forget Daffyd Thomas, The Only Gay In The Village. Absolutely hilarious, and oh so very un-pc...

Enjoy...



Mixed Bubbles clips


Bubbles In Monte Carlo


Daffyd meets the new gay in the village


Daffyd at the village fair


Daffyd takes a stand against his local library


Daffyd bemoans the lack of gay activity in the village